Mom, I’m Hungry
Standing in front of our fridge I must have said that a thousand times. Usually followed by, “and there’s nothing to eat.” I knew what I was doing. It was my version of “Gentlemen start your engines.” And once I had uttered those words, no matter what she was doing - cleaning the house, washing clothes, painting a wall or sitting talking to one of her many friends on the phone with a cup of tea she would say those magic words… “Let me have a look.”
I knew those words. I loved those words. I knew she would open the very fridge I had just declared barren and find something. Our fridge was so packed that no one had seen its back wall for twenty years; yet, I could never find anything “good” in it. But I knew the minute my mom opened it something delicious would be on its way. “Thanks mom” would be all she would get from me. Not that I was being rude, I just didn’t know how good I had it. I wish today I could say “Mom, I’m hungry” or “Thank you Mom” or hold her hand and just talk with her, but Alzheimer’s disease has taken her from me. My mom, Ruth was always a very caring, others first, fashionable and pretty lady. She still is. But she is not my mom. She is not my Ruth. Alzheimer’s takes away the future but it does not take away the past. And that is what this book is meant to celebrate - Ruth McCarthy - daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, friend, cook and a truly great lady.
Ruth was blessed to be married to my late father Ross McCarthy for 56 years but I am sure he would have said it was he who had been blessed. Nanny and Pa had a great marriage. They were best friends until the end. Ruth and Ross had become Nanny and Pa once the seven grandchildren came along – Alex, Eric, Charlie, James, Chase, Max and Tessa. It was Tessa, my niece, that started me thinking and eventually got me sitting down and writing this book. Tessa had been asking a lot of questions about Nanny because for most of her life, well the part she remembers, Nanny has been battling this relentless disease. She has heard the stories of warm towels, children’s tea parties and adventures by the pool but she was too young when they occurred and those memories don’t feel real to her now. “What was Nanny like?”, she asked. It is a daunting task to try to explain 80 years of love and life for anyone but for Ruth Lillian McCarthy it is near impossible.
Ruthie, as her big sister Carmel Sweeney calls her, loved life and was happiest when helping others. Like her mother Flora, Ruth loved having friends and family by her side at some type of celebration. Quick to find an excuse to throw a party, she was as brilliant when playing host as she was chauffeuring kids, caring for the sick, listening to others’ woes and making all who knew her feel that when she was spending time with you, you were the most important person in world. Flora Lipscombe must have done something right to raise two of the finest ladies you could ever meet. To this day 88 year-old Carmel takes 2 buses over an hour to see her sister at the long-term care facility, which is now my mom’s home. It is tough to see what if anything my mom gets out of Carmel’s pilgrimage. The small comfort, the only comfort is that my mom is unaware of her predicament. She is not angry or confused or in pain. She is just not present when she is with you. Oh it looks like her but her eyes tell the truth. Eyes that once showed such emotion you knew how happy she was before she told you now are vacant. Carmel’s visits don’t bring Ruth comfort and certainly don’t bring Carmel comfort but that is not the point. “I have to go. She would visit me.” And there you have it, the real definition of love.
So I sat down to try to write Ruth’s story. I had every intention of documenting the minute details of her life and then realized that dates and places don’t tell the true story. It is in the remembering of stories of Ruth that Nanny will come alive again.The way she treated people. What she thought of others and how others thought of her. I decided to put the stats aside and write a history of Nanny through memories and recipes. Recipes? Yes, recipes. After all, cooking and entertaining is how most remember Ruth best. So there you have it. This is a book of remembrances - Memories of fun, family, food, laughter and love.
Bon Appétit!